I Confess! 'Ben' Shares His First Date Mistakes

Here are the top mistakes guys make on first dates — but we want to avoid them too. Thank you to our guest blogger Ben for taking on the topic and thank you to his wife Kate for loving him regardless… -aa

Take it away Ben:

Obviously, women aren’t the only ones who are nervous on a first date.

We guys can also be a little nervous. Ok, really nervous. Everyone wants to be accepted, and the fear of rejection is a reality for many people. (AA says – tips on dealing with rejection coming soon.) Fortunately, you can avoid making mistakes by learning from others.

Here are the top mistakes guys like me – okay, fine, it was me – make on first dates…

1. First Date Foul: Too Much Chatter.

This is a fine line to balance. You don’t want to seem boring, but you also don’t want to dominate
the conversation. How do you balance it to keep the interest up without taking over? Encourage your date
to talk about themselves. If you are talking and see a glassy-eyed stare, you have
been talking too long.

2. First Date Foul: Not Making Eye Contact.

It’s a simple matter of social manners. When you are talking with someone, you make eye contact.
Don’t stare at the wall over his shoulder, don’t focus on your own hands, and don’t look at
something on the table right in front of him. Maintain eye contact to let him know
that you are listening.

3. First Date Foul: Remaining in One Place.

This is one mistake most guys make. You meet at the restaurant for dinner, sit across from each
other and chat. There’s no opportunity to touch and see if there’s a spark there. This isn’t to say that
you are interested in some serious kissing at this time, but it would be nice if you could touch each
other on the arm to add some physical cues to the experience. (For men: Make sure that you a place to travel
to after the date, even if it’s only taking the time to walk her to her car.)

4.First Date Foul: Being Obviously Nervous and Stiff.

It’s normal to be nervous during this first date, but you don’t want to be stiff and feel like you’re walking on eggshells. Let yourself make a few jokes. Share some short, funny stories. Let your date know that you have sense of humor or there won’t be a second date.

5. First Date Foul: Never Discuss the Dating Life.

This is not the time to talk about your ex or review your dating history. This is the time to show off your personality and let your date see who you really are. Remember that he is not your therapist, your dad or your best friend.

6. First Date Foul: Too Many Compliments.

Women and men enjoy being complimented. They even like receiving a second compliment during the date. Go beyond that and your date will start wondering what you are really up to.

It starts to feel insincere, and that will work against you. Tell him that he looks great, and maybe compliment him on something else later in the date, but take care not to cross the line between paying a compliment and seeming like a stalker.

These are mistakes that most guys make at some point. They are innocent and easy to make, but you can avoid these pitfalls. Learn from those who have gone before you so you can avoid these mistakes when you go out on a first date.

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Guest blogger Ben describes first date missteps based on Ben’s first date with his wife, long time ago. Today, they are living in a beautiful beach house with two lovely kids. Funny thing is Ben didn’t actually notice he was giving too many compliments, and that he was also very nervous, until his wife, Kate, told him that. Basically, this article is written by Ben but it includes both Ben’s and Kate’s experience.

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