Have you been watching “Married to Med?” Yes, we must admit that we have too. Yes, we vowed not to. Yes we avoid the energy of shows featuring fisticuffs and yes, we were there front row for every pearl-clutching minute of it. On the eve of the show’s reunion, our astrological pop cultural commentator is weighing in. Her magnificent views are her own, and as per usual, we left in her unique grammatical stylings and Grear-isms. You’re still talking about her open letters to Kenya Moore, Keyshia Cole, Beyonce and DMX aren’t you? POW. -aa

Why “a reluctant review” you ask? ‘Cause it is a reluctant view.

I’ve been really trying to detox from reality TV. With trying to wane from the ones I do watch didn’t see the sense in taking on a new one. But there’s a blogger I used to love indulging in, one day he posted the video clip of these two attractive well-dressed grown ladies BRAWLING pool side. I said “Oh my, what do we have here?” After watching then reading some of the comments below, I thought…I hope they run a marathon soon so I can catch up on what’s going on with this new show. As you know, they did. I watched.

At first we look, or I do, for what the base storyline[s] will be or will follow, then suddenly the breakout star breaks out!

For us, that’s Quad. And not just her expressive play on wording, just her! There’s a richness to her essence, ain’t referring to hubby’s coins, either. It’s her.
I especially took interest in her with one of the early scenes aired, where Toya was asking her about a [DATED] TEXT sent to her husband’s cell phone from Quad’s; back when Quad’s husband called off their wedding and it’s clear he dispensed a mass-TEXT to many to give notice. After we saw that, our minds immediately went back to that other reality show Basketball Wives Miami where the character Gloria was surprised while having lunch in a restaurant by Shaunie and the others, also ardently inquiring her about the called-off wedding.

Huh?

Is it me, or does your logic work like this too? When confronting someone in a hostile or even “catty” fashion, it’s due to something they DID TO YOU. Not over something regarding their personal affairs—matters that really have nada to do with you!
Yeah, I know the ego’s aim is to humiliate, but… Still, even in that warped goal can it make some logical sense? Just a smidgen? Then again, if it did, couldn’t be labeled entirely ‘warped’ I suppose.

Quad, I’m sure like Gloria (though she was cool as a cucumber. Gloria, Aquarius must be very well-aspected in your chart, that and or Libra), your brain tried to find “the logic” in such an ill inquiry (not to mention at such an ill time) so you could logically reply. And that’s when you kinda got upset. Warranted. But that’s what ‘they’ want, to knock you off balance, disturb your pleasant energy.

And who gets that perturbed for not being able to attend a wedding? I can see if Toya were the one that got jilted (not suggested you were, Q). She took it way too personal, a personal cause that wasn’t her own.
What? Was she mad she wasn’t able to wear the new outfit that day? ‘Sure she could wear it in the future to a future event.

It just didn’t make sense. I would have igged her! Gave her my back.

Oh, and when she grabbed your finger… Quad, like millions of others you express communiqué with your hands. Reflexive. Yet, you didn’t touch her. Lisen, we can tongue-wrangle all day, but when it gets physical…the game JUST CHANGED. Quad, when she grabbed your finger[s], you should have taken your other hand… Let me stop, this is a family-friendly blog. Lol…

But back to the point, when y’all were shown in the tea house and you confronted her with the WHY is she still being messy by STILL spreading “the TEXT sent on the wedding day” [or near it] tea, like it’s new gossip…yo, by the way, all the ears that sat for that dated nonsensical tea…how? Why? Y’all couldn’t have been that bored. It’s been said that the “gossip mongers” are the real problem. We say, it’s really their audience…hmm…that’s not so much “the problem,” but it’s definitely the problem’s battery.

No audience, no show. Curtains close.

Quad, like you said, he married you—matrimonial mission accomplished. If you don’t currently give-a-flug that he sent that TEXT, why should she? Toya, you can’t be that bored. If you are, there’s starving children all over the world—you can truly cure your boredom and hunger to spill other’s tea by curing the REAL hunger of innocence. By doing more productive things with your life versus gossiping—especially about kids, no less.

That brings me to Mariah and You.

Wait, before I opine on that, I have to say (to fellow viewers) that there’s plenty of “reality” in what’s called “Reality TV”. As you know it’s often believed that it’s [the beef] contrived, hyped-up, producer-prodded, etc. This notion is widely accepted due to the simple knowing of “they gotta wheel in wide viewership some way.” Dismiss it as entertainment, silly par for a silly course. Till it’s no longer “silly”. When? When kids are thrown into course.

• “Kids are off limits!” ~Mariah
• Polly had a post up a little while back where she inquired about “reality shows.” One comment read along the lines of why we watch, that we’re drawn to ourselves, our stories through theirs’. We see ourselves. Even if we don’t see ourselves pixel for pixel, maybe just in the way one would see themselves in one of those funny distorted mirrors at a carnival. This was a male writer too—his name escapes me. But I was so struck by his words. So sound. So true.

Exactly why the Mariah and Toya debacle touched a nerve. Not just theirs but other’s too. E.g.: first season of “Basketball Wives LA,” when they actually took the time to Google Draya’s name, just to collect “muddy intelligence” on her. And for what? Certainly not to help her son, like they’d have the viewers believe. That Google search was exacted to help their ill agenda—to harass and malign…at the expense of an innocent child. Then in that same season the Laura person is shown in a pretty park referring to pretty Draya as a “non factor” [bit Evelyn there, btw]. Draya had to have been so drained, cause if she was thinking on her Aquarian feet (like she was when she told Wendy Williams ‘you have a fly in your hair’; by the way, Draya, thumb through her memoir…you’ll discover WW had no right calling you what she called you in that ‘after show’ video of her’s), she woulda replied “I’m a ‘non-factor’ but y’all took the time to research, google a non-factor?” I know, go figure!
That ep stood out, again, cause the innocence of a child was unnecessarily dragged in the mucky-mire. And for what? To make the mom feel bad? Why? ‘Cause her feeling good makes you feel bad?

Darn that wily warped ego!

Even when one of the cast member’s child is of adult age, still…don’t go there! Why? Think back to when the Laura character covertly interviewed Jackie’s grown (estranged) daughter. How was that deed useful to any of the players involved? Including, us, the viewing public? People, speaking to YOU, John & JaneQ audience too, these unnecessary deeds are icky to the NTH DEGREE!!! All it does is incur more mal-Karma.

Now, Sheree`’s comment to NeNe two reunions back [about Ne Ne’s son] suddenly comes to mind. Ugh, leave the offspring out of it! Their family, period. Can’t reiterate this enough! Now… this comes back into focus…
Ne Ne sharing at this year’s “RHOA” reunion how Phaedra attempted to interview Ne Ne’s ½ sisters behind her back…Ugh. Echoing Mariah’s words: Kids are off limits! Yes, now echoing my own above—all family members (especially ones that aren’t signed as fellow cast-members) are off limits!

Being an astrologer, know that astro-logic is my instant point-of-reference. For me, it’s reflexive. If it annoys you, don’t read Mama G’s blogs. 

The ego is ruled by Aries. Aries is the infant of the zodiac [can look this up]. Hence, where the term “narrow minded” derived. You may hear non-astrologers use that term; cause an infant is small in size. Even the term “infantile wisdom” is applicable here in this context.

You see, the ego doesn’t know how to expand in love, when it does spread, it spreads in this harmful fashion: targeting your family, minor or no minor. Here, I not only say “minor” referring to the age of the loved one but also the reasoning behind the gossiper’s design—minor, small. Yet, they know it’s going to affect you majorly! Yes, I just added an “l” & a “y” , so? Lol… As E.B. sang in her ‘On & On’, “Got Dammit I’ma Sing My Song!” And in my key.

Where was I?

Oh, how it [said icky incidents] touched me, personally…
Picture it… OK, why do I suddenly feel like “Sophia” from Golden Girls… Lol…
But, seriously, picture it, NYC ’08, on the horn with a then-friend Devon (pseudonym), believe it or not, discussing the book “The Four Noble Truths.” Another then-friend named Kai (another pseudonym), kept beeping in. I igged the first beeps, figured I’d just call her back when I was off the horn with Dev, didn’t wanna stop talking about the book. After the third calling-waiting alert, ‘told Dev I’d call him back that it must be important if she felt so compelled to keep calling like that. I click over. Kai asks for the cell phone number of a cab driver she introduced me to not that long ago. No, nothing ‘like that.’ He was a good driver and played good music. She used his services long before I met him, you’d think she’d have his cell phone number long before I got it, right?

I didn’t mind giving it to her, it was just her seemingly desperate energy to GET IT and RIGHT THEN & THERE AT THAT MOMENT! Bear in mind, this was a Sunday evening. Was she going out at that very moment? The ego, I meant “eager” energy was perplexing.

She held high-strung energy a lot back then anyway, but this pressing me for a cabbie’s cell number in “the way” she was… well, it took her high-strung energy to new psychological heights. What’s with the urgency???

Like most, you grow stubborn when you feel RUSHED. Like, dude, where’s the fire?

• I explained to her that I had to hang up from her to be able to look in the phone book portion of the cellular to collect the number.

Once I hung up, another call came through, I took it. While wrapped up in that dialogue I forgot all about Kai’s pressing request. She calls back…you could imagine how the next level of our ridiculous rhythm flowed, right? Well, it was more “ebbing” versus flowing…from my direction [away from her’s] anyway. Lol.
She kept calling…I call feel the sick synergy with each beep in. I decided to remain on the call I was enjoying. I sensed whatever else she was eager (not just about the cabbie’s math) to tell me, I wouldn’t be interested in hearing.

When I finally called her back she was curt, “Look, either you gonna give me the number or you not!”
Huh?
I wasn’t deliberately withholding a number I honestly didn’t care about. I was withholding courting her strange restlessness. Homie, save that ill energy for somebody else!

What’s wit’ this warped energy? I sincerely wondered…

I asked her “You can’t reach him at the cab stand? I’m sure the dispatch can radio him.”
She settles down some…then goes in to share why she needed to reach the cabbie, she wanted to book a date to hire him to drive her to a bridal shower (off in the near future… sh*t now, she had time…why rush now? She could have called or actually paid the cab stand a visit to schedule that in person) and the wedding of a mutuality of ours’: her homie, my former homie.

So Kai goes to tell me that the former homie came by to give her her invites personally then added that if she wanted to bring me as her guest she could.

• My thoughts: Do I have any say in the matter?
• Uh, yes. I do. And I don’t. Don’t wanna go. No thanks.

Initially I showed true happy excitement that this former friend’s long-time mate finally was gonna marry her. Then I recalled an email said friend sent me which made what Kai was telling me perplexing. Not that Kai was fibbing [then, in that phone moment], yet it was still perplexing. Long back story…more in the memoir.
This is when I told Kai “No, I can’t go. And you know what else, I can’t listen to any of the updates when you return from the festivities. ‘Cause no matter how pleasantly I respond, somehow you’ll STILL relay the data/my responses back to former-homie minced, mangled or just flat-out false!”

Denials and Tantrums commenced!!!

Amidst all the yelling former homie goes and says, paraphrasing, “Yours is a drop out, my daughter got two years of college.” She said in a “nay nay nay nay nay” voice. Childish. Remember the ego is a fragile infant. Childish. Now, I never shared any academic data regarding mine with her. Just never thought to. So she was assuming. The irony here is at that time he was just awarded his diploma. But she didn’t know this—cause I never really discussed mine, positive or negative, with her. No rhyme no reason, just didn’t. Then again…

• Our communiqué was just restored after years of excommunication, hence, technically, there was never really any opportunity to share with her in that way—thank goodness. So she was pulling at unknown straws to sting. Yet the only one that was screaming like a banshee, like they were stung, was she! That ego…icky. It prevents one from truly seeing themselves.

I told her over and through her screams “My, draggin’ innocence in to the folly, huh? Damn, romantic interest (something she spun at me about 2 sec. ago), now THAT’S DESPERATE!

That’s good she has two years of higher learning. Proud of her. How many you got? None. Opps, I forgot, you’re a junior high school drop out; which is worse and less common than being a high school drop out. Let’s not ride on the coattails of other’s scholastic achievements…”

Her shouts and rants continued… Poor soul.

Naturally, we couldn’t hear the other over her SCREAMS. And get this irony? “The mutual homie” the one that was about to wed…Kai shared that she snapped AT her about how she had her driver’s license when Kai innocuously assumed she didn’t, yet the Tantrum-Prone creampuff was mute for that scornful inform. And this occurred outside in front of others, and that’s when you decide to be mute? Interesting.

What else is interesting, you told me that that same mutual homie once said to you, albeit in jest, …I can’t even repeat it verbatim… but you said she mentioned something about your baby’s hair condition. No SpAZZRant then? Why?

Yeah, you claimed you came back at her with how it was a blessing that God blessed you with a baby at your age and said it in a tone that alluded how He didn’t or has yet [during that time] to bless her wit’ the same. Something tells me that you said it [if you actually said it] quite gingerly. And that [if you did it…SPAZZED] would have been in defense of what’s yours versus what’s not—a cabbie’s cell number; or being appalled that I told you NOT to report on the bridal shower or wedding to me—to avoid “she said she said” f*ckery.
Hun, a lot worse has happened to you and YOU responded a lot less, if tha flug at all!

Life: One BiG Ball of Irony!

• *Allow your insolence to read intelligently. You’ll appear less bratty and more womanly. #tip

In all the beef I experienced in the years past with the friends-to-frenemies sect, none of them, NOT A ONE [except the Kai character], EVER took it to the kids, EVER!
Not that they were being kind…no, never that when one is beefin’. I honestly think “such a thought” never crossed their mind…or mine. It’s a matter of “B*tch, I’m mad at YOU! Ain’t no kiddies on my mind, right now—yours nor mine!”

Grown women, worth their salt in grown-a*s-woman’ness, it just never crosses the mind. ‘Cept…when the mind is small…it runs out of ammo, things to say that’ll sting, quick. Thus, sadly, they reduce to targeting innocence. You’d pity them if you didn’t instantly go into protective Mama Bear mode!

With each incident on reality TV where the kids were thrown into the fray, my mind immediately went back to that ill exchange I had on the phone back 2008 with that childhood homie. Instead of allowing myself to feel anger about it all over again, I suddenly feel proud. Proud that I’ve never stooped to dissin’ or even gossiping about someone’s child—not even in the privacy of my mind…such surly silliness…just never surfaces in tha dome for some—and I’m one of them.

Mariah, I felt your sentiments LOUD AND CLEAR and VERY Dear…dear to my heart. Each and every mother on the planet should have felt your angst there. But sadly the “herd mentality” syndrome is real. If the general consensus state to lean more towards the Toya argument, then that’s where said proverbial herd shall lean.

Never mind the herd for a minute, right there on the show, fellow cast members Dr. Simone and Dr. Jackie…at first they did seem neutral but as the marathon continued we didn’t see the same neutrality we first saw. Dr. Simone claim that she and Dr. Jackie are smack dab in the middle…uh, nah, it seems the proverbial pom poms are shaking, cheering in Toya’s direction.

What did it for us?

When you and Dr. Simone spoke in the wine grove and Dr. Simone admitted that she’s never seen you in such a light before. And you two have known the other for years—she delivered your daughter—it don’t get no more close than that. That admission from your doctor-friend spoke volumes! Everybody ain’t catch it, tho. We did-The Owls.

Mariah, that admission alone substantiates your warrior reaction at the party at Kari’s house for your husband’s birthday party.

It stated that that’s not your natural comportment. Like she said, “She’s never even heard you raise your voice.” Yet, Kari and Toya would have the public believe that you are the dramaQueen. Or worse, what did Kari say in a segment? Some kind of ‘paranoid personality disorder?’ A family secret was spilled and gossiped about in a beauty salon. Something you put in her confidence in the name of friendship, albeit, fauxfriendship, but as far as you were concern, in that moment “friendship.” Betrayal!

Betrayal all over the world is a HELLA lot to feel paranoid about (M, that’s if you were), especially if you are still feigning friendship in the realms of foeship. And not for nothing, why are you even on Kari’s mind to the point of hosting a case study on the internet, in your honor, or dishonor?

Oh, at Dr. Jackie’s opening for her spa…

From what was aired, we did not notice/detect any “tension” from Lake to Kari. What was she sensing? ‘Cause “it” sure wasn’t shown. What was shown? Lake smiling and mingling.

Sheesh, talk about “Paranoid.”
I suppose Kari just needed any ole excuse to use as a lead-in to sh*t-start. Quad said, “Let it Go.” Sage! And Mariah I love how you said, with a little dance, “Kari wants to go back…” Lol… But it’s true. Why ruin a pleasant moment cause you wanna dwell on the petty past. Even at the doggie event, Toya “initiated” the ish wit’ you. Yet, you are the one that they claim starts the drama. How? Are we watching the same show?

Point-in-Case:

The poolside BRAWL. From what was aired, Toya walked over to where you were to bait you in beef. And about what? Your mama? Your mama got at her over that warped dirty-water cooler all-so-not-cool beauty shop gossip about her grandbaby. Toya didn’t appreciate ‘this check.’ And what? Did she really expect you to check your mama for checkin’ her in defense of your child? Were you suppose to defend Toya against your mama?
Huh?

• “Oh what a tangled web we weave when at first we aim to deceive.” ~Unknown

No, that may not have been the time or place for Mama Lucy to approach Toya about the beauty shop gossip. By the same token it wasn’t the time or place for Toya to approach you about your mama and the poolside talk. Gosh, if love doesn’t spread slow yet ickiness spreads quick! Sigh…
Also, were we the only ones that noticed that Toya DID touch Mariah’s hair FIRST! Watch it again, she did that!
But post-fight, in the bathroom, she’s weeping, citing that Mariah struck first by ‘flippin’ her hair.’ False. Watch it again.

• Yo, Quad, when you were screaming “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” Classic ‘ish! LOVE IT!!!

And there was this Caucasian man (possibly another doctor) that never stopped snackin’ while looking at the ladies swing. Classic! Gotta look quick to catch it, but it’s there. Unconscious munching no matter what’s going down? Gotta love it! Lol…

And Kari, wit’ that PayPal invoice. Really?

Wait, let me quote Mariah:
To the fuzz:

• Paraphrasing, “…I don’t have to leave. We paid for this party, I’m not going anywhere.”
• To Dr. Duncan: Paraphrasing, “…your wife showed out at my house twice and I didn’t call the cops on her. …but that’s how they do after they get your coins!”
• MARIAH, YOU BETTA KICK DAT ‘ISH!!! For reasons I won’t say here, but a lot of us completely FELL IN LOVE with you in that moment for having the courage to voice that.
• And to the Bravo producer, thank you for having the courage not to edit those brave words of Mariah’s.
• And Kari, wait, back to the poolside party… pre-fight… when you said to Toya or asked her rhetorically “…why is she being so mean to me?” speaking of Mariah.

How was she being mean? From what was shown, instead of playing the nice hostess and tending to your guests, again, your mind was on who? Mariah!
You asked her about the lateness. She responded. Now, it may not have been the response you wanted…tell me, do you even know what kind of response you wanted? Which one would have quelled “the repetitive inquiries” regarding Mariah and Dr. Aydin’s lateness. He co-paid for the party, right? That’s not sufficient enough to be left alone? ‘Gotta kiss up too?

• Me?
• Don’t continually query me about ish I paid for! Even co-paid for. You’ll get the EAsT! The exact iggin’ winds Mariah paid you. She doesn’t owe you 99 explanations to the same inquiry—to ANY inquiry.
• You seem fixated on her.

And bringing up the noMad party at the spa opening to Quad ‘n them?… Messy!
Kari, it can still be a good show minus the aforementioned icky items. Really it can. 

On a lighter more positive note:

Mariah the chemistry you and Aydin share is REAL…and real sexy. Love inspires Love. Love is Life. And I feel it between you two. Others can feel it too, even for y’allz kids.

Forgive me, his name escapes me, but I think it’s Dr. Simone’s husband. The tall nice-looking man that stood behind the bar and broke down the real reason Dr. A left their company that evening. He said to Dr. Eugene and Dr. Duncan how his exit or seemingly discomfort while there had little to do with the ladies rumbling poolside, it’s more about his daughter…

• Yo, Dr. Simone, if that’s you—you lucky lucky lady! He’s a gem.

You have to suspend your ego to come out of yourself to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. And that’s what tall-chocolate-handsome did from behind the bar in the aforesaid scene. Impressed. 

Men, you can still support your wives yet still support logic and compassion too.

And when you’re being an ear for her bellyaching over catty conflicts…please listen in a certain way…a manly way. How can I say this without being offensive?
Dr. Eugene. You know that males are alkaline and females are acidic. Not opinion, biological scientific fact. And that only disease can survive in an acidic environment—hence, the bitterness and cattiness. But males are alkaline, alkaline water = magic water. Why we like y’all; not just speaking romantically—speaking in general. Most men are cat-free. This is refreshing company, for most gals anyway.

When the owls were watching the segment, where you said to your wife “…why are we still talking about Mariah?” We all got up and finally cheered for you! Yes, the alkaline, he has it after all! Yay!!”

While you did fix it up by adding “…don’t want their crazy to become your crazy,” or something to that affect. But deep down we knew that as a man, ALL that “Mariah” talk had to have gotten old. No man wants to be beat-in-da-head daily wit’ catty-diatribe. It’s not in his nature.

One more note we were wondering about…when you held your all men roundtable business meeting to discuss your venture and she soon came over and joined in…why? Was it for more camera time? Or that just what she does? {T, let the men be men—have their time}

In fact, what does she do?

Yes, we know ‘wife and mother’ but since they don’t air her doing too much of that [with fond enthusiasm] it’s safe to assume that her enthusiasms may lie elsewhere. But where? Certainly not in the realm of gossiping about the natural paternity of a child and or interrupting/interjecting in your business meetings? No, never that.

• Again, kudos to you for manin’-up in that moment. So much so it crushed her ego, made it dissolve to tears.

In the film KYMATICA it speaks to the ego as “parasites feeding the hosts,” the host being the mainframe ego. When you refused to remain a captive audience for yet MORE of the Mariah-Protracted Commentary, it was like snatchin’ some get-high from her! That’s what the tears were really about. She may not be conscious of it. Most aren’t. Ego too wily.
Toya, in the van on the wine excursion, I really thought you’d shine there, show sincere contrition, but it wasn’t shown. You could have felt it, but ego wouldn’t allow you to show it. It’s a growing lesson for us all.

Mariah, loved your “Snake Share” at your Deshi Dinner; especially since 2013 is The Year of the Snake.

Also keep this one, one of the elders shared it with me:

• “You have no friends and no enemies only Teachers.”

Yes, I know, some teachers can only teach that there’s yet another person in the world that means you no good, but…yet the above is still one of my favorite maxims—it can keep one from holding a grudge.
Your sister-in-law, or, was that your auntie-in-love? Class Act! <3 She got up from the floor citing she doesn’t gossip. One sage sentence, possibly the most profound one in the whole segment…possibly, the whole season. Dr. A you hail from good stock, don’t you? 

Wanted to pen this before the Reunion show slated to air this Sunday 5/26/13, to get it out the way. If inspired, the reunion show could merit an addendum, its very own blog.

In closing, we, The Owls, don’t fully regret tuning in to “Married to Medicine.” This title in the conventional sense could also connote “Married to Healing.” Come with that healthful goal next season. Millions are watching. Use your massive platform wisely. #justasuggetion…a healthy one.

• Thanks for sharing yourselves with the nation, ladies. Keep it fly and sexy, yes, but also keep it sane and edifying. <3

Wholeness <3

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All photos property and copyright of Bravo, sources Wikipedia and Zap2It.

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Please watch “Healing Yoga” and catch the Hay House World Summit for more on the power of love, healing and relationships!