Before the relationship there is dating, hopefully! Let’s talk about it…
Lifestyle blogger Devan McGuinness had her last first date 14 years ago. It was with her husband. To that end, the idea of dating terrifies her — and rightfully so. It can be scary out there, and as a certified coach I am not afraid to say that.
Devan called on me and 7 other love and relationship experts to give advice for Babble on one of the main questions that single women in the dating pool ask: Why didn’t he call after such a seemingly great first date. Married 14 years, she found 14 great reasons, of course. Do some of them seem like common sense? Of course! Do several seem self-love related? Absolutely.
We’d be remiss if we didn’t remind you that all the power comes from you. If someone doesn’t want you they are often doing you a favor. Let it go. Man’s rejection is your Creator’s protection.
Find Devan’s piece featuring my advice here on Babble.com as well as my extended thoughts on the matter below. Let’s not forget the best advice of all. A first date is just a date. It won’t make or break your life.
Why Didn’t I Get A Second Date?
1) You didn’t get a second date because your nickname should be Negative Nia. Bitching and complaining is one of the ways we bond in our culture with our friends and family. With a stranger however, they have nothing else to base their opinion of you. We see the complainer as full of worries and problems and that is not interesting, fun or sexy.
Complaining is man-repellent and people-repellant. To the male brain this chatter can often sound like nagging. If you’re bringing up all of the crappy things about your life, why would someone want to join you in that?
2) You’re a terrible listener. Women are verbal. We love to chat it up. Sharing with our girlfriends is how we show we love them. Healthy communication is a cycle of giving and receiving.
Listening to someone intently, without planning a reply, is one of the most generous gifts you can give. Maybe your nerves got the best of you or you’re just a chatty Cathy but if you failed to listen to your date you probably came across as selfish.
3) You didn’t get a second date because you were in business mode. You’re successful and educated. You have to prove yourself every minute at work. We get it. Dating is not the same as interviewing for a job.
You don’t have to compete or prove yourself the best in the boardroom on a date. After all, you rock so you have nothing to prove. A man doesn’t fall in love with you because of your hard-won accomplishments. Of course you’re awesome. He falls in love with your heart.
4) You didn’t get a second date because you’re desperate. It’s just a date. He doesn’t have to be the one. Don’t make every date more than a chance to meet someone interesting. Period. Desperation reeks and it’s people repellent. You are already complete. You are seeking a partner — not completion.
Let she who has not been desperate cast the first stone.
5) You didn’t get a second date because you didn’t bring your feminine energy. Whether in same sex couples or hetero couples, the dance between masculine and feminine energy is attraction. Polarity is magnetic. If you are dating a masculine energy person, anchor yourself firmly in your feminine energy and you’ll be irresistible!
Activate your feminine and enjoy the balance. Most of all, enjoy being you!
Photo Source: George Hodan, Public Domain.
More Passionate Living
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- Yoga to Heal Breakups and Bad Relationships
- Essence Magazine Love & Dating Experts’ Advice
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- Mindfulness and Meditation! Healing (Video)
- Life Coaching Inspiration from Kanye West (Video)
- How to Use Feminine Power for Business Shine
P.S. Please also find my advice this week on the following columns and segments: Nerdpocalypse’s Love School for Nerds, Essence’s Intimacy Intervention on same sex exploration, exploring tantra in a long term relationship and Mommy Noire’s Beauty Love Class and Women Hating Women.