By popular demand, I wanted to do a divine feminine energy 101 since it’s part of the foundation of much of my teachings.
“Woman is the radiance of God; she is not your beloved. She is the Creator—you could say that she is not created.” ~Rumi
“The masculine side of love is ‘I love you.’ Love’s feminine quality is ‘I am waiting for you. I am longing for you.’ ” -Llewellyn Vaughan-Lee of Oprah Winfrey’s “Super Soul Sunday”
This is for any sacred bombshell wondering what IS all of the chatter about divine feminine energy and power.
Divine Feminine Energy Cheat Sheet
“Why is th*s bitch so happy?”
When I first started working in media I would hear and read that often in reaction to me and my work. The funny thing is that I only heard this from women who look like me, as if somehow we were not permitted the full expression of joy and pain, only pain.
Life loves us — and most days I remember that. My favorite degree is that of K.A.W., Kick Ass Woman.
Are you in?
We live in a culture of self-flagellation, sacrifice, self-denial, and snark. It’s common to be cold, brittle, and not to care. We treat ourselves like second class citizens and then we’re surprised when our partners do the same. We are starved for divine feminine energy and our own joy so this is a very special love class. It is in fact a self-love class where you remember, you are your priority. Are you ready to choose sacredness over self-deprecation?
It was a private “Goddess in Love” group in my apartment. We passed around a rock as a talking stick, meaning whoever had the rock had the floor. A woman confessed that she was “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” Another co-signed. Each told a different version of the superwoman syndrome story: burning the candle at both ends, never feeling like you’re enough, caught up in trying to get “there” and then feeling lonely and like an impostor when achieving success.
As a recovering workaholic and Passionate Living Coach, I completely understand. I grew up believing that the only way to be loved was through achievement. Many of my friends also thought that the only way to be accepted is by having the right picture of perfection.
It was over 12 years ago when I started doing work that affirms goddess energy with my empowerment workshop play, “Goddess City.” Of course, my feminist education frowned on the gender essentialism that had been used to keep women small. Unfortunately, we were also not to acknowledge any way that women are different from men.
Our mothers taught us that in order to get ahead we had to out-man anyone else and rightfully so. Whether they used the word feminism or not, we often saw these strong women playing mother and father – even when there was a father figure in the household. We were taught to hate womanhood, our “cursed” bodies and to be suspicious of other women.
SACRED FEMININE ENERGY 101
Q: What is divine feminine energy?
Abiola: Whether you’re a man or woman, your sexual essence can be either masculine or feminine or rarely, neutral. Feminine energy is intuitive, receptive, process-oriented, creatively unstructured, and attracting, like a negatively charged magnet. Masculine energy is assertive, directed, focused, goal-oriented.
The feminine yin wants to be filled up. The masculine yang wants to be emptied. Men crave freedom because masculine energy needs the edge or the thrill of experiencing the feeling of death – whether through games, sports, competition whatever. We crave connection.
We all have both the divine feminine and the awakened masculine within us. This is not about stereotypes. This is about magnetism and duality. On a basic physiological level, our bodies are designed to receive. Male bodies are designed to give and be outward thrusting. A woman centered in her divine feminine power is radiant, vibrant and attracting. This is irresistible to masculine energy.
Q: What does sacred feminine wisdom have to do with my life?
Abiola: A woman who has activated her feminine energy is irresistible and magnetized to her desires.
The laws of attraction in relationships work with polarity, just like a magnet. All of us have masculine and feminine energy within us. Just like there’s the divine feminine, there’s the divine masculine. The feminine desires to be loved and the masculine desires to love.
You are either a more masculine energy or a feminine energy woman. This works for same-gender loving couples as well. If you are standing more in your masculine energy, then you need your compliment or exact opposite energy partner to have a balanced relationship and steamy intimate life.
Q: So why don’t we already know this?
Abiola: Our mothers couldn’t teach us the lost power of feminine energy and truly embracing ourselves if they didn’t know it. The patriarchal world values masculine energy traits such as achievement, warrior spirit and linear thinking. This may leave us successful in the workplace but broken down and burned out in the rest of our lives; yearning for a balance or a sacred feminine that we barely remember exists.
Q: I thought feminism made us all equal. So what’s all of this masculine/feminine and divine feminine energy crap?
Abiola: Pithy ads that reduce our feminine essence to a body part like “Hail to the V” or comical representations like the horny “inner goddess” of “50 Shades of Gray” leave us giggling or angry but still unsatisfied. It’s enough to make the average woman say there is no such thing as “vagina power” or the sacred feminine. After all, it can sound like a crock of B.S. when we haven’t been taught to value our bodies or ourselves.
We’ll be exploring these more in the coming weeks as we continue our Love School lessons in love, dating, relationships, the single life, marriage, break ups and sexuality.
Q: So once and for all is my yoni somehow magical?
Abiola: Well yes and no. No, we are not just a body part, but yes, your sacred feminine power is real. There is also sacred masculine energy. This has nothing to do with traditionally marketed ideas of femininity or masculinity. Masculine doing energy is not superior to feminine feeling energy.
Q: So what exactly is punany power and how can I access it?
Abiola: all kinds of conflicting advice: “He’s Just Not That Into You,” “Think Like a Man” “Act Like a Lady” but “Men Love Bitches.” We wouldn’t be so confused if we knew that the answer begins right within our own bodies.
Divine feminine power is the mojo that creates life. However, (for those who choose to procreate) we don’t give birth alone. The female egg has to be fertilized by the male – even in a test tube. We forget this fact of nature when we’re screaming, “I don’t need anybody else!”
Cheat Sheet: Here are some fun ways to turn up and tune into your succulent and divine feminine energy
1. What turns you on?
Bliss up your life by making a personal hot list of your every turn-on from soft kisses on the back of your neck and skinny dipping to freshly crisp percale sheets and your children’s laughter. Now you have a blueprint for how to live your most joyous life.
2. Have a “Daily Dance Party.”
Have you ever heard the expression move it or lose it? Whip your locs back and forth. Whirl it like you mean it. Shake those hips and open up your sacral chakra area for feminine healing. The average song is four minutes. You have four minutes for you, right?
3. Take a page from Cleopatra’s sacred bombshell playbook.
Bathe in milk and honey. Luxuriate and treat yourself like a queen. You deserve it.
4. Blow sexy kisses at your reflection.
Plan a selfie photo shoot and let your inner Naomi Campbell show all the way out. Posting photos of your meals is fun but this is a private shoot just for you to explore your inner goddess.
5. Tired of feeling ashamed?
Shame, blame, and guilt are all emotions that subtract from your quality of life rather than adding to it. Tell all of your soulful secrets to a trusted friend.
6. Go for cash-free shopping.
Host a clothing, books, and accessories swap. You don’t have to spend money to have fun. Share your gems with your best girlfriends. One woman’s trash is another woman’s cute treasure.
7. Be unproductive.
Run away from home to explore. Put some mileage on your passport. Take an ethical observation safari in South Africa, stomp grapes in Spain. If you’re on a budget take a road trip and get outside of your city. Most people rarely leave their own backyards.
8. Acknowledge your lusts.
Step over repression and empower yourself. Tell your honey what you want to do to them and what you’d like done in return in sensual erotic detail. If you’re feeling shy, buy a steamy book or sexy poetry and read it to them.
9. Be embarrassing and emotionally intense.
Take a loud stand for an important cause. Stand up for what you believe in. Let your voice be heard.
10. Give those tired pajamas a rest.
Wear your favorite lingerie just because. This is just for you.
11. Raise your bombshell I.Q., your Irresistibility Quotient.
Walk like your hips don’t lie. Flirt like it’s going out of style. Smile at a handsome stranger and hold it for six seconds.
12. Flex your fullness.
Take a naked yoga, erotic cooking, or burlesque dance class. Find your full fullness at laughing yoga, nude painting, aerial yoga, trapeze, trampoline, or tango dancing. Hula hooping, burlesque dancing, belly dancing, and pole fitness are also ways to activate your divine feminine energy.
P.S. The featured photos are of course Josephine Baker. She is a divine feminine energy representation of a woman forging her own path. Madame Josephine (1906-1975) was an American singer, dancer and burlesque performer who made her name in France to avoid racism at home. Lynn Whitfield played her in the epic biopic.
Sacred Bombshell Feminine Energy Homework
Complete these questions in a notebook. You may want to form a Love School Playgroup with your friends to do these assignments.
Take 5 deep, cleansing breaths to get centered and begin.
1. What did the mother figures in your life teach you about being a woman?
2. Which of these beliefs have been helpful and which would you like to release?
3. Where are you a masculine energy woman?
4. Where are you a feminine energy woman?
5. How can you embrace your feminine power more?
Get Your Feminine Energy Empowerment Tools
Recap: The questions I cover above include:
- What does sacred feminine wisdom have to do with my love life?
- So why don’t we already know this?
- I thought feminism made us all equal. So what’s all of this masculine/feminine crap?
- What is feminine energy?
- So once and for all is my yoni somehow magical?
- So what exactly is punany power and how can I access it?
- How do you access your feminine power?
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