Are you living through your kids? Tinzley, who gives advice to single mothers here on The Passionista Playbook, has new advice…

Hello Single Moms!

I wanted to discuss a topic that may be just a little different from my usual dating insight posts. It can be tough balancing your mom duties with being a vibrant and dating single mother. I wanted to highlight ways you can be a single mom without causing your child to want to run far far away from you to never be seen again! This does and can happen. Sure you may have made some poor decisions as a youngster, but this does not mean your child will.

Sometimes as single moms we want to give our children the very best of us because we don’t have both parents in the home. We feel we have to make sure our kids succeed. We sometimes end up giving them the worst of us because we worry, we stress, we want to know everything and we won’t back down until things seem perfect. Then we can runaround bragging about how perfect our children are, right? We look as our kids as a second chance for us; sound familiar?

You should never try to live your dreams through your child.

We fuss, we yell, we pass judgment, we pretend to others like our friends and or coworkers that everything is okay when in reality, we don’t even truly know ourselves. We hate not knowing, don’t we? Especially for those who have children who have moved to another state or city, and more than likely are in school or something. I can totally understand this mentality as I too am a single mom and yes I have a daughter who has moved to another city. The fact that I can no longer be right there when she may be hanging around negative people leaves me feeling helpless many times. This inability to control the situation (yes I said control) many times causes us to become anal and critical of our children’s choices, driving them even further away.

The mother bird must allow our babies to fly. We’ve trained them well. We taught them everything. Now we must allow our baby birds to spread their wings. If we look too closely and worry about how the wing is flapping or how low the little one may be flying, we’re bound to make them lose focus out of fear of falling and instead of just falling they may crash instead.

Single moms many times try to overcompensate because they feel they have to be the mom and the dad, when in reality they can’t be both, they can only be the best loving parent they are. Trust me, our children see this and notice this, but they also notice when we’re too overprotective. Now in no way am I saying we should not be involved or question our kids because any good parent will do just that; what I am saying is maybe practice a better approach. You will be more effective and minimize a misinterpretation of your efforts.

There is a difference between facts about our children and what they are feeling inside. Sometimes we see our kid’s face but we don’t realize that behind that face lies all sorts of things, thoughts, emotions, hurts, disappointments, pain, longing and a need to feel loved among other things we may not be aware of. Have you told your child you love them lately? Tell them and do it often.

Here are just a few things I suggest:
1.Don’t appoint blame.

Instead, listen to your child to see what’s really happening as best as you can and make sure they know you’re there and you care.

2.Don’t judge.

This is important as many children spend a majority of their teenage years being judged whether it’s good or bad they feel there is an audience they have to put on a good show for. Don’t allow yourself to be that heckler in the crowd. Motivate and inspire your child.

3.Don’t ridicule their every action.

This one is simple. Has your child ever done anything RIGHT?

4. Tell them how smart and capable they are and how much you love them and believe in them.

Let them know they ARE Kings and Queens. Remember that while your intentions may be good, you too have a lot to learn and you can’t always be in the driver’s seat. Let your child drive and just guide them along the way.

Thank you for stopping by and please share your thoughts or comments I’d love to see what you have to say. Hope this post was able to inspire someone today.



You should also check out: