Do You Feel Like You’re Leaving Your Friends Behind When You’re Dating? by Single Mom Maven Tinzley B.

Hey Rockstars,

Happy New Year!

We have a hot topic from Tinzley Bradford, our Single Mom Advice Maven. It’s a great conversation because it’s relevant to all of us, single moms or not. Single woman culture can be fun as you’re “Sex & The City-ing” it up with your best buds and miserable as you’re crying together– but at least you’ve got your friends, right? The dynamic always changes when one of you has a man from secret and unexpected jealousy to friendly guilt. Here’s how to remain a loyal friend and a good girlfriend all at the same time…

Hello Singlistas,

Let’s talk about going from being single to being in a relationship without feeling guilty for your still single friends.

So you’ve met a great guy who, so far, seems like a keeper. But you feel guilty. Why? Well, for a long time both you and your BFF have been single, wondering where “Mr. Right” is and why you both seem to only run into jerks. This actually gave you something more in common; and you could discuss the dating madness on a regular basis.

“Girl, this moron didn’t even call me back!” or “You know this fool asked me to loan him some money?” You both could chat and laugh about being single and never run out of things to say PLUS build each other up. You both also happen to be single moms, so this gave you even more to relate to.

Now, you find yourself not knowing what to say. You don’t want to mention your boyfriend because you don’t want to come across as rubbing your friends nose in the fact that you may have met “the one.” THEN she makes SNIDE comments like,” Now, you don’t call since it’s all about David.”

You haven’t changed but you just happen to be dating and your guy now gets some of your time.  You once enjoyed sharing things about the new man in your life, but for some reason now you feel strange. It seems like she can’t really join in the conversation as easily because she’s not in a relationship.

You’re best friends and you’ve probably done so much together or at the same time that it seems only fair that you both should have found true love at the same time as well. Her not having anyone makes you feel guilty because you want your friend to meet someone special too.

So how can you find balance in being in a relationship without compromising your longtime friendship?

1. Make sure you allow your new love to meet your bestie to break the ice, especially if this is someone you plan to be with for the long haul. Not introducing them can look like you’re hiding something and you friend may begin to feel like an outcast.

2. Don’t talk about your new love all day and night. She’s still single; so be mindful of the fact that she already fears things may change between the two of you. Constantly updating her on how wonderful the two of you have it will only make matters worse.

3. Still have your Girl’s Nights Out. Please don’t let your new love stop you and your girls from hanging out. This will make it appear that you’re choosing your boyfriend of a few months over your best friend of years. Not good!

4. Ask your new love to introduce a his single friends to your single friend. This will not only lead to possibly true love, but it will remind your bestie you want her to be just as happy. Pretty cool.

5. Finally, be there for your friend as you’ve always been. Don’t say “Well I can’t because Jason…” There may be times when you can’t always be there, but please never let it be because your boyfriend said no!

I hope this advice has shed a little light on how you can keep your long time friendship balances without making your bestie feel abandoned because you’re now in a relationship and she’s still hanging solo.

~Tinzley

P.S. Don’t forget to check out Abiola’s interview with one of our favorite single moms, Kandi Burruss of “The Real Housewives of Atlanta.”