Interview with a boy-crazy, lesbian beauty queen: Elena Azzoni kisses & tells Abiola all!


A Year Straight: Confessions of A Boy-Crazy Lesbian Beauty Queen” is Elena Azzoni’s memoir about the year she decided to switch from dating and sexing women to men. Yup, you read that correctly! Elena was not only a lesbian, she was “Miss Lez,” the winner of a popular NYC lesbian beauty pageant. Feeling frisky and experimental, Elena decided to give men a try when she suddenly found herself crushing hard on dude after dude, just for the sexy fun of it.

Recently I interviewed author Anna David , who lived Helen Gurley Brown’s “Sex and The Single Girl” for a year and Mia Martina who lived “A Year of Sex.” Plus, regular Planet Abiola Rockstars know that I’m the creator of “The Goddess Year.” Elena’s “Year Straight,” as the title says, was fascinating.

Author of A Year Straight

Elena Azzoni, author of "A Year Straight"

I spoke to Elena about her fast-paced “Sex and The Lesbian City” memoir. “A Year Straight” is a must-read.

The Interview

Abiola: Congratulations, Elena. “A Year Straight” is a fabulous book. I found it honest and entertaining. Your story especially resonated with me for a totally unexpected reason. There is an ongoing discussion about successful black women and a supposed man-shortage because African American women are hesitant for a myriad of reasons about dating interracially. Certainly if as a lesbian you became open to loving a man you proved that love is love is love.

Elena: Thank you, and I love hearing that my story resonated with you for reasons I wouldn’t have imagined while writing it. This is happening more and more as I receive feedback from readers. For example, someone just thanked me for writing my story because she is in a relationship with a much older man. She is a dear friend, and I’ve witnessed the two of them together. Though she is 40, and he is in his early 70s, they couldn’t be more perfect for one another. However, her family refuses to even meet him, and it is causing them much heartache. I wouldn’t have guessed that my story would inspire them, but she reported that is has. I love this about love. It’s universal.

Abiola: Yes, love is universal. Random things I found interesting: the connection between food and love, you always had safe sex, and I prescribe to women that they have a “Goddess Year: Year of Living Single Program” and you did just that!

Elena: Yes! The safe sex part is something I felt was extremely important to emphasize. It is something all women need to feel comfortable owning, and to not shy away from demanding of their sexual partners. I was also thinking of the younger generation that might read my book, and I really wanted to be a positive role model. Yes, I went on a frantic manhunt, but there was a way to do this responsibly and from a place of empowerment. A huge part of that is practicing safe sex. And yes, of course, the food and love connection. I am half Italian. Food is love.

On Sexuality

Abiola: When you first became clear about your sexuality how did you know you were lesbian and not bisexual?

Elena: I first identified as a lesbian because once I started dating women, I felt at home in a way I never had with men. I didn’t identify as bisexual because I had very little interest in men, and when I did date a man here and there, it only reinforced my attraction to women. Then, at age 25, when I began my first serious relationship with a woman, I felt my lesbian identify was really solidified, and I took comfort in finally knowing, Okay, this is who I am.

Photo: Wishful Inspiration.com

Abiola: Do you now define yourself as bisexual or have you abandoned labels?

Elena: After adhering so strongly to an identity, only to discover that, for me, sexuality is too complex a part of me to pin down, I prefer no label. The only label that I strongly reject is “straight.” Now that I am in a relationship with a man, many people comment, “Oh, so you’re straight now.” I cringe at that, because to identify as straight would feel like a denial of who I have been, and who I have loved up until now.

Abiola: Do you feel that your sexual trauma and abuse ever played any decision in your choices
consciously or unconsciously?

Elena: Too many of us have experienced some level of sexual trauma, both women and men. It’s really at epidemic proportions. Some people oversimplify it and say, “Oh, that happened to you, so that’s why you (fill in the blank).” I would never credit a wounding experience for something as elaborate and deeply spiritual as human sexuality. I do, however, find that those of us who have faced our past and conquered our fears are more open to exploring the many facets of who we are. I can say, “Well, I survived that, so why on earth would I be afraid to follow my heart?”

Learning Men

Abiola: Well said. Did you feel that once you made the decision to “play” with men that you were less desperate in your dating approach because you were “just experimenting?” I’m wondering if men found you more appealing when you approached because as TJ recommended, you didn’t really care.

A Year Straight book cover

Can a lesbian become boy-crazy? Or are labels over?

Elena: Yes. Once I embarked on my anthropological quest, there was nothing to lose. Men responded to this, but also seemed somewhat skeptical, like, “Wait a minute, is this woman for real?” In the book I compare myself to Samantha from Sex and the City. I love her character. She is always taking men by surprise. But in the end, I’m actually more like Charlotte. I can’t help it. I’m a Catholic girl from Connecticut.

Abiola: Aw, sweet! As a woman who has dated women what key mistakes in love, dating and relationships have you noticed that women make?

Elena: Oh my gosh, we dissect everything! Just the other day, my friend was showing me a text she received from a guy she is dating. It must have been a 16 word text, but she had managed to extract 47 different meanings from it. I stopped her at about 12. If there is anything I have learned from dating men, it’s to take them at face value. If he says he is busy at work but will be in touch, he is most likely busy at work and will be in touch. I can’t say the same for a woman dating another woman, because we manage to cram 28 meanings into two words. Clearly, we are more highly evolved.

The Aftermath

Abiola: Indeed, my goddess friend. Now, we saw how everyone reacted during the period of the book, but as your relationship continued with Theo how did your lesbian community react? How did your family react? Was everyone still as open/understanding? Is there any backlash to your story?

Elena: Everyone has been immensely supportive, understanding, and excited for me. I am 9 months pregnant as we conduct this interview. My friends and family are thrilled, and my lesbian friends can’t wait to become aunties. When the book finally came out last month, my fear of a backlash resurfaced. But I have been getting great feedback from people all across the board. Once again, in the end, the only person judging me was me.

Men vs. Women?

Abiola: Yay, you are having a baby with Theo?! How exciting. Congrats, Elena. So, besides physicality, what are the biggest differences between dating woman and dating men?

Elena: Men have this way of leaving little tiny body hairs all over the shower walls. But the biggest difference I have found between women and men is in communication style. As I said, I have learned to take men at face value. I still find myself trying to read into things Theo says, only to laugh at myself later, after I’ve drawn up every possible interpretation of, “Babe, do you want pasta or Thai food for dinner?”

Abiola: I’ve gotta work on that! How long have you and Theo been together now?

Elena: Three and a half years

Abiola: Lovely. Have you gotten used to the less chatty nature of men?

Elena: Yes, and I’ve grown to love it. I have my ladies for chatting. Theo and I have a lovely, deep connection, but he doesn’t always understand where I’m coming from like my girls do. And that is just fine because I don’t always understand him either.

Abiola: Do you now find the same feeling of safety that you found with women with Theo/men?

Elena: With Theo I do for sure, because we know and love and trust one another.

Abiola: But do you miss women?

Elena: I don’t miss women because women are still a huge part of my life. I still have my wonderful female friends with whom I curl up on the couch in front of a movie, and whom I call at any hour of the day for advice or a laugh. In terms of missing women sexually, I do not, and that is because I am in a fulfilling relationship. I don’t miss being with anyone sexually, because I am with Theo. Some people need more than one sexual partner, and I completely respect that, but I am Charlotte, remember?

Abiola: That’s right! So Charlotte, um, Elena, what’s the biggest lesson you learned in this adventure?

Elena: I learned that love is love is love, and that I am not alone in my exploration. I have been inundated by letters of thanks, and stories of others on the same bold, winding, unmarked path.

Love & Feminism

Abiola: Well Elena, my upcoming book is “The Official Bombshell Handbook.” You come across as a bombshell, heroine and superhero all rolled into one despite your self-deprecating humor in the book. I’m reclaiming the word “bombshell” as a woman who owns and loves herself. What makes you a bombshell?

Elena: That has to be one of the biggest compliments I’ve ever received, and I can’t wait to read your book! What makes me a bombshell is exactly that; I am a woman who owns and loves herself. I have been through some tough stuff. My life has not been all interviews and book deals and in love and pregnant in Paris. It is the overcoming of our hardships that builds true inner confidence, and makes us shine from the inside-out. I am not afraid of myself. I take giant leaps, fall on my face, laugh loud, and love myself fiercely. That is what makes me a bombshell.

Abiola: Feminist to feminist, what’s your relationship advice: Are there times you found that you have to let go and let him be the man, feminist and all? Has your relationship changed or expanded your view of feminism?

Elena: I always knew that feminism benefits both women and men, but now I experience it firsthand. I am currently witnessing my man put massive amounts of pressure on himself to be a provider, as we are about to have a baby. A professor of mine once said that at the root of feminism is the dismantling of our society’s unattainable image of masculinity; that to free men of this pressure to be a “real man” would help solve many problems.

In the meantime, sometimes it’s nice to let go and let him be the man. For instance, when he insists on fixing the kitchen sink with absolutely no background in plumbing, I just say, “Great, honey,” and I have the plumber’s phone number handy for when he’s done. Then again, this might just be something you do because you love someone, regardless of gender.

Abiola: Thanks for a great conversation, Elena! Good luck with your baby. I look forward to future memoirs about your growing family.

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Order “A Year Straight: Confessions of a Boy-Crazy Lesbian Beauty Queen by Elena Azzoni wherever you buy books.