“Our moms had Dear Abby and we have Dear Abiola…”

Dear Abiola, Advice Column

Dear Abiola,

I’m 61 years old and everyone really thinks I’m between 35 and 40.

I know it might sound like I am reaching but every woman in my family is proof that good black don’t crack.

My nickname is “Hot Mama.” The problem is that although I feel young and fun on the outside, I don’t know how to get my body to agree with me. I went through menopause at around 53-54 and I haven’t been the same sexually since.

My new boyfriend is 42. (And yes, I have a son almost his age.)

My new man wines me and dines me and is completely feeling me. I asked him if he had an ‘’old lady fetish and he explained that no, he is turned on by my particular beauty, my confidence, and my seasoning.

We haven’t had sex yet because I am extremely nervous. It has been many, many, many years since Hot Mama had any kind of intimacy — at least maybe 8 years.

My best sexual decade was my 40s. It was INCREDIBLE. But that was a long time ago.

Help, please. I need to get my sexy back — fast.

Stella With No Groove


Dear Sacred Bombshell,

::::Find My Answer on ESSENCE.com:::


[Soundcloud Audio Link]

xoxo, Abiola

P.S. You can find my sacred self-esteem and sensuality advice column on ESSENCE.com and meanwhile, I am proud to introduce a new Sacred Bombshell column, ‘One Man’s Advice.’

‘One Man’s Advice’ from Brent Reeves is your love, sexuality, dating, marriage, and relationship advice from a man’s point of view.

Keep reading!

Okay Hot Mama,

If you think it is a hormonal issue that has killed your libido, then help as arrived!!!

You can get a prescription for a hormonal (testosterone) patch.

Women your age, whom I know, got a patch swear by it and say that their libido (horny-ness) has been dialed back 30 years. Please check with your doctor to check your hormone levels and see if the patch is right for you.

Make sure your doctor knows that you are wanting to reignite your sex life with a younger man and your libido is dragging or not present at all. That will help your doctor understand why you want to feel the fire again.

As usual, I agree with Abiola’s suggestions! Kegel, Kegel, Kegel!!! That will strengthen your pelvic floor and help you achieve the big O and/or make them “MUCH” stronger. You should do at least 10 repetitions three times a day for at least two weeks straight (hopefully you can get this work-out underway before you make love to your young boo! Make sure you have a lube on hand in case of any dryness down there.

Finally, embrace your new love and hopefully your new love life.

Word of caution (from a man’s perspective), if you wait too long to jump his bones, that 40 year old will bounce to find some luvin’ elsewhere! Write back and let us know how it goes!



About Our “One Man’s Advice” columnist:

Brent Reeves is the divorced father of two, a member of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity, Inc. and was recently named and “Unsung Hero” by Mayor Emeka Jackson-Hicks, Mayor of the City of East St. Louis by official proclamation.

::::Find Brent’s other advice here (link)


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How to Age Like a Sacred Bombshell