Dating Rules for Women? Advice from Essence Magazine Love Gurus (DIARY)

Essence Magazine Love Columnists and Dating Bloggers featuring Abiola Abrams

Hey Rockstars,

It was pretty cool to be one of Essence Magazine’s 6 Love, Sex, Dating & Relationship Bloggers invited to a fun, inspired and at times heated co-ed discussion about men, women and dating rules. (Pick up the February 2012 issue.) In the past few years we have seen an all out media assault of, hey successful and single black women, here’s what’s wrong with you!

I’ve hosted “Abiola’s Kiss & Tell TV” since 2008. My web TV show came into being while I was a BET TV host and personality as well as a Rolling Out advice columnist and it has taken on various formats from the zany livestream version called “Abiola on LSD: Love, Sex, Dating and Drama” to the one on one advice videos.

As an author and TV, Web and Radio personality I’ve done the same thing for the past 10 years in varied forms, create media to empower women so it was wonderfully full circle to have this love convo at Essence. During my book tour for my debut novel Dare: a hip hop love story, which also took place in 2008, I met so many amazing women who felt love-starved. When I was offered the opportunity to appear on VH1’s “Tough Love” in 2009, I thought it would be pretty cool for me to go undercover, do research for my upcoming book and collect a recession era paycheck as well.

I’m finally completing my next book but it has nothing to do with that faux reality. Instead it has everything to do with us as women and loving, sexual beings in the world! They say that we teach what we most need to learn so I write from te heart about my loves, lies, heartbreaks and scandals. As I told 16-year-old Austin when I was an MTV Teen Dating Coach on “Made,” my mess is my message.

I was thrilled yesterday to learn that Paul Carrick Brunson, who I interviewed last year [link] is doing the biggest dating show ever with none other than Miss Oprah Winfrey. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!! I feel like there are so many people out there giving harmful and detrimental advice to women that this is definitely welcome.

Anyway, pick up Essence wherever you buy magazines. This is the second year that they included me in their Valentine’s Day issue. Last year we were talking about sex toys. Each of the wonderful featured bloggers (left) does something completely different. You can watch “Abiola’s Kiss and Tell TV,” webwide including YouTube and iTunes, but I am also a love and sex columnist for sites like Yahoo Shine and gURL. I speak at colleges and universities and offer Love Concierge Services. It sounds like a lot but it’s all exactly the same thing, work that reminds us of the empowered and love-deserving beings that we really are.

Some of my love thoughts:

What’s the one relationship rule you live by?

My main Lifestyle Passionista relationship rule is, “if you want more love in your life, you need to be more loving!”

What relationship rule needs to be retired?

“Let’s retire this: “If a man is selective he’s just not that into you but if a woman is selective she’s too picky.” You deserve to be selective and dating is supposed to be fun.”

What’s your biggest lesson in love?

“My biggest lesson in love is that it’s not about the other person– it’s all about you. Whatever you are seeking is what you need to be. If you want the total package be the total package. Bad relationships are a reflection of a bad relationship with ourselves. If you don’t love yourself you can’t love anybody else. That’s the central belief of Abiola’s Bombshell Academy!”

More to come… Please check out my fellow love bloggers on the right panel.

From Essence.com: “Must-See Video; Dating Advice from Our Favorite Love Gurus”

If you can’t see this video, click here.