This week on Love School for Nerds, we discuss a letter from a woman who has been cheated on by her husband. She wants to make it work but the mother of the child that was made from the affair isn’t making it simple. She wants to know whether she will ever get over this and can they truly move past this level of betrayal.

Dear Abiola and Jay,

Realizing that I am really in love with my husband, I decided to move forward in our marriage after finding out that he fathered our neighbor’s child. For some reason I can’t seem to like or want to deal with this five year old child. My husband and I have been married now for 13 years and had been 8 years into our marriage when his affair occurred. I found out about the affair after we purchased our new home in a new neighborhood when the child was 3. Our son together was 8. He has helped me raise my other children from a previous marriage.

The person he cheated with was way younger and for her this is amusing. She giggles when she sees me and calls his phone with play names and jokes as if they are friends. I’m so irritated and annoyed that it’s forcing me to want closure. I know that as a man he has to be in his child’s life but looking at him reminds me of her so everything he does also irritates me.

Some days I just want to walk away and others well I’m in love. I see that he’s remorseful and want us to work but he will never understand my pain.

Signed,

Will my heart ever mend?

Press Play! Here’s Our Answer (Audio)

(By the way, I misspoke. When I said maybe your son can always pick up the child, I meant your husband,)

[Soundcloud Link]

This book may help…

::::Find it on Amazon: After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful