Do you know the weekly national urban newspaper Rolling Out Urbanstyle? It comes out on Thursday or Friday depending on where in the country you live.

Dear Abiola,

My wife of 5 years has been cheating on me. Her behavior was suspicious while I was going out of my way to be the best father and husband. One day I gave in and checked her voice mail. I heard messages from her lover about sex. I forgave her for the sake of our 3 year old son but I still see this joker’s number all over her phone bill. I called the phone company for a text message transcript and they told me that it would have to be subpoenaed. I don’t want to invade her privacy again but I don’t know what else to do. 

Sleepless in Staten Island
Darling Sleepless,
First of all, we don’t give it up enough to the good men out there so I send you big love. Secondly, you’ve made a mistake that I’ve made countless times. You forgave too soon but you forgave with your words but not with your heart- and rightfully so! You jumped back into a swerving car without figuring out why it ran off the road in the first place. Heck yeah you should check her messages. 

If you step back into a relationship with someone who has betrayed you they are on probation while you work toward letting them back into your heart. Probation means rules and check-ins. Your wife is scandalous. I wouldn’t trust a word she says, boo-boo. 

Subpoena the messages immediately! If the messages are platonic then get counseling. If she’s back in the game with the dude, she may love you as the father of her child only. If this is the case, exit stage right! It’s time to break up with her. You deserve to be loved. It’ll be a battle for you to relearn how to love like you have never been hurt but you will get there.