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Dear Sacred Bombshell,

As a professional empowerment coach, love advice columnist and broadcaster, I am a teacher and student of love. That’s right; love is my business, pleasure and purpose. I write and broadcast about romantic love, self-love, divine love, universal love and material love. Happiness guru Robert Holden’s “Loveability” is not only a textbook on l-o-v-e, but also a catechism on self worth. The book’s subtitle is “Knowing How to Love and Be Loved.”

SO many of us are love starved. This has nothing to do with being single or coupled up. You could be a newlywed and be love starved. Trust mama! We then live in a love draught, not knowing not to attract and allow the love we deserve.

We’re also at a loss of how to really love another human being. Of course it starts with us. If we can’t even gift ourselves with unconditional love, how can we really love someone else?

Some have what I call homeless heart syndrome, going from person to person, leaving bits of yourself, never truly investing.

The love we’re talking about here is not what you’ll find in your standard dating guide or relationship tome. Dr. Holden is talking about big, fat, juicy, pure, whole OH YES love.

The idea is simple but not easy. In fact the idea of true love is downright terrifying.

Like Robert Holden I wonder at the fact that there are classes in mathematics that we’ll never use again but there are no classes on love. We’re not talking about sex education here, although that is needed as well, but basic love education. Love matters. It’s everything. The fact is that we can’t be taught to love by parents who don’t know how. So we’re left as adults to try to piece together love lives, sometimes with no prior knowledge, experience or love vision.

“Love is who you are” Holden teaches — and he’s right. We spend our lives seeking and pursuing love like feathers on the wind. However we can’t find or see it until we acknowledge that we ARE love. We are what we are seeking. Love is the thing, man. The alpha and the omega; the beginning and the end; the source and the answer. Le love.

In his Loveability program, Holden teaches a set of inquiries in regards to love and loving. The “I Love You” inquiry begins with delving into what it is we mean when we say I love you. We find that not only do we not know what it means when others say I love you, we may not even know what we mean.

Loveability teaches that the basic truth is “I am loveable” and the basic fear is “I am not loveable.” Everything else we tell ourselves is just a storyline.

There are 5 basic love truths that the mirror principle reflects.

1. What you bring to a relationship is what you experience.

Clearly we’re not talking about surface or superficial love here. On a spiritual level, everyone you encounter is you. That’s right. You are creating your experience with every other living human being.

2. When you think something is missing in a relationship, it’s probably you.

In my love advice video series “Bombshell Academy” I have an advice video that states “if you’re in bad relationship with someone else, it’s because you’re in a bad relationship with yourself.” This is the hardest lesson for most people to take in. I receive so much pushback on this with all kinds of excuses about how certain things are beyond our control.

Who you choose to love, how you choose to love them and what you accept are fully in your control. Life is the sum of your choices.

3. No one can love you more than yourself and get away with it.

Basically, love like water rises (or sinks) to find its true level. If someone loves you more than you love yourself, you will feel that they “annoy” or “bother” you and won’t be able to be “into them” or accept their love. You’re not vibrating energetically on the same level.

4. The more you love yourself, the more you recognize how you are loved.

Love is all around us. At times we feel love deprived because we haven’t counted our blessings. Love is about gratitude and appreciation. Take this time to consider just how loved you already are. The love you have trumps and multiplies the love you’re seeking.

5. The more you love yourself, the more you are able to love others.

You can’t give from an empty cup, can you?

Loveability is a brilliant and beautiful book. I haven’t read such a thorough treatise of love since Marianne Williamson’s A Return to Love. My new personal love coach Robert Holden, PhD is the author of the best-selling Happiness NOW!, Shift Happens, Success Intelligence, and Be Happy. He is published by Louise Hay’s Hay House.

I’m so happy that Hay House sent me this book as a gift to review!

• Holden’s Wisdom on Self Acceptance: “Reflect on this question: “Who am I without my self-image?” Be still, and really listen to yourself. Use this inquiry to help you identify with all the beautiful soul qualities that make up your true nature. Also, try this affirmation today, “I see myself through the eyes of love.””

Well said.

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