How to lose your love and relationship baggage…
This past weekend I spoke at a Women’s Empowerment Brunch for the outstanding women of an organization called L.A.C.E.S., Ladies of Excellence, organized by Felicia Lee and Lagrane Jefferson. My talk was called “Top 10 Reasons Why Your Love Life Might Suck!” When we know what we don’t want we can use that contrast to know better what we do want.
Bullet point number three in my list of destructive relationship patterns was emotional baggage. Or as I asked to audience, “Are you bringing your luggage from past relationships into your next one?” Remember when we covered doing feng shui to clear clutter for love in Bombshell Academy? Well, my favorite relationship experts at Match.com also had something to say about the subject…
How to Free Yourself From Personal Baggage
Have you ever been the last person standing by the luggage conveyer belt, hopelessly waiting for the miraculous emergence of your cute, hot pink suitcase? There reaches a point where you have to admit defeat and walk away.
While you’ll think about it often and wonder whose hands it’s in now, being reunited with your beloved bag looks increasingly unlikely. But, after a painful absence, tattered and torn, your bag will return with your treasured contents spilling from every seam, tainting the memories of the time you had together.
Clear out the clutter.
Baggage in a relationship is like a catch-all. Baggage can take over your life, prevent you from moving on and wreaking havoc on your future relationships. If you’re dangerously flirting with the idea of reminiscing or, worse still, calling your ex, now is the time to throw away those relationship remnants and clear out the emotional clutter.
If you find yourselves deleting important messages because your phone is choc-a-block with texts from the ex, you need to woman up.
“Delete all” in that inbox, change your screensaver to a photo of your favourite friends, toss your top drawer full of pictures and ticket stubs into the trash and get rid of the playlists that remind you of him. You’ve been hoarding emotional clutter for much too long , and you won’t feel relieved once you’re rid of it.
Erase your ex from your life.
If you find yourself so weighed down with thoughts of your ex that you’re constantly calling or stalking online profile, it isn’t healthy. You’re desperately clutching at the past, making it practically impossible to make a go of a new relationship. As we say all the time here on the Passionista Playbook, your ex is your ex for a reason – hold on to that reason.
Delete the numbers; block the Twitter and Facebook. It will hurt at first because it’s a final admission that nothing will ever happen between you, but it works, and “absence makes the heart grow fonder” quickly gives way to “out of sight, out of mind”. Each time a memory of the two of you creeps in, slam that page shut and picture a fresh new page – your next chapter.
Single and mingling.
See the world, join a class or streamline your wardrobe to make way for a whole new look. Do whatever it takes to make yourself feel fabulous again. Focus on you.
When you feel great, you will exude confidence and a lust for life – two very appealing traits. Meeting someone new is a great way to slam the door firmly shut on the past. But, don’t become a serial dater. Don’t jump straight into a new relationship for comfort or stability; take time to get over a break-up first, or the hurt from it will soon start leaking into your new relationship.
Now you can hold your head high as you watch for that shiny new travel case on the conveyor belt. It’s just around the corner, gorgeous!
For more great dating advice and ideas, head to the new advice site from match.com.