This week, Coach Neek shares: “Being Single Again Takes Some Time Getting Use To: Five Ways of Recapturing Your Vivaciousness After Your Relationship Status Changes.”
After ending a five year relationship, I found myself searching…for myself.
The routine I was use to was based off of what “we” are going to do. Now, it is based off of what am “I” going to do. So, what in the hell I am going to do? First, I had to figure out what I want to do and then it hits me, being single again takes some time getting used to. Let me give you a little background; my relationship didn’t end because of drama like cheating or some basic form of either of us messing up, it was just we need time to come into our own. At the end of the relationship, I was more upset at myself for not leaving enough room for myself in the relationship. I was instead concerned about the relationship’s well-being, his well-being and not balancing that with caring for my own. When we as women, manage who we are to other people like being mothers, daughters and girlfriends/wives, however it is easy to fail at managing who we are as an individual.
So when our roles as mothers evolve because kids go to school for the first time or leave home for the first time; or (as I experienced) a relationship status changing from girlfriends ( or maybe in your case, wife) to single woman, we should not lose sight of the brightness that is our greatness inside of us, a vivacious energy. That vivacious energy that empowers us to love ourselves completely; gives us hope for the future we can create for ourselves and nurtures our spirit to give us the confidence and inner strength to do so.
As I came out of my emotional funk and realized with a little shimmy, “Hey- I want keep moving forward and live a little” (well, really a lot). I began to think about and plan how I can recapture that vivaciousness I had for those things I loved and take time to try out new things I think I might love or at least have lots of fun trying! If you are ready, my lovelies, allow me to share with you a couple of strategies I used to re-discover my vivaciousness and live emotionally my best life yet!
Five tips to moving forward and embracing your vivaciousness:
1. Reconnect with Friends.
They are the ones we may have ignored while we were in our own world, but they are always the ones you can call and lean on no matter how long it’s been since you last talked to them. You see them constantly on your Facebook timeline, Twitter feed and Instagram. You both aware of what major events have happened in your lives and can pick up the phone and start where you left off. Yeah, you may hear the “It’s about time”, but you will also hear “ I missed you.”
They are the friends that will affirm you and support you lovingly . So, pick up the phone and call or just send a message and say “Hey”.
2. Grab a Groupon.
At first, finding something to do that doesn’t remind you of your newly ended relationship can be a bit tricky. However, once you find the motivation to do something, try Groupon. It is a great way ideas of new things to try or reintroduce yourself to something you loved.
Not to mention, the deals are great and you may never know that an unexpected deal motivates you to try something adventurous.
3. Get Your Sexy Back-
Of course, after every break-up, there is nothing like new haircut, color or a new weave. Changing up your look is a great confidence builder. You can also tap into your inner vixen and create a new panty drawer. Get rid of his favorite things and buy lingerie that excites you! Also, going back to that Groupon, sign up for a pole fitness class or erotic chair dance class and get your Flash Dance on! Tap into your vivaciousness and don’t be afraid to get sexy with it!
This is a little on the milder side. However, never underestimate the power of giving. Research shows helping others not only improves the emotional health of those receiving help, it has a positive effect on the helper by improving their overall mental, physical and emotional health and creating a more positive outlook on life.
5. Enjoy the Quiet Moments.
Try sipping some green tea, indulge in your favorite cup of coffee or have a glass of wine. It’s not about keeping busy, it’s about keeping in sync with substance and creating a peace of mind. This peace will be the result of you overcoming your insecurities, doubt and controlling the feeling like you have to stay busy. Quiet moments allow you to reflect on what will continue to bring you inner peace, what has worked for you and what has not and ultimately, quiet moments will allow you to appreciate how far you have come and appreciate the anticipation of what’s to come. As a life coach, I will encourage you to journal your experience. This allows you to keep track of your improving moods and outlook.
Remember, you matter. Never stop searching for yourself. It’s evolutionary!
About Coach Neek: Coach Neek is a Certified Holistic Life Coach & Sexpert with over 11 years of mental health experience. She helps women heal from their emotional wounds by creating a system of self-care that allows a woman to take care of her unselfishly. Coach Neek teaches healthy living strategies that encourage a woman to heal from her emotional baggage, trust her inner self and improve the intimacy in her relationships. Find out more about Coach Neek and her own emotional detox by visiting her blog,TheIntimacyMiniManual.com.