How healthy is your love life right now?
How healthy is your love life right now?
I also have a special treat for you.
Infidelity Coach Savannah Ellis sees the worst of people in her business. As a Passionate Living Coach, I help people to focus on healing love and life issues through self-love and reclaiming a sense of passion. I know that for Savannah to deal with cheating exclusively, she often sees us human beings at our worst. However, she’s not jaded. Below Savannah shares her great advice on insuring that your long term relationship or marriage has a happy ending.
Of course, I also throw in my two cents on healthy love, dating and relationships as well as a video episode (after the jump) that I made recently with master yogini Donna D’Cruz in New York City.
Coach Savannah’s Advice:
People get into long term relationships or marriages for different reasons. While some do it because they felt like it is time or a responsibility, others do it because they are so much in love. In some countries, marriage is done to fulfill an agreement between two families.
So how do you know when the long term relationship or marriage that you got into will actually make you the happiest person ever, or not?
Few people realize that partnership or tying the knot is one of the biggest decisions that a person will be making in his lifetime. This is because when you get married, you do not just think of yourself anymore. You will have a spouse, and even children, to consider on every choice that you will make.
The problems that you may face will not be as uncomplicated as when you were single. Simply because accompanied by that “I do” that you spoke of on your wedding day is a big responsibility placed on your shoulders.
It is fortunate when a marriage works for both partners. But for some, it seems like it just won’t.
Here are some tips on how you can make sure that you will have a happy ending with your spouse.
1. Know that you’re not the same person.
If you really want to make the marriage work, you will have to understand each other’s differences. That is why it is advised for you to completely know your spouse for it to be easier for you to accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses. And when you find that he or she is lacking on this part or that, be sure to let him or her feel and that you empathize. That is does not make him or her less of a person and it would not hinder him or her from becoming a good husband or wife.
- [Abiola says: Yes! Don’t let their triggers trigger you. Even if you get angry and turn away, come back and be there. Have the cojones to be the last man or woman standing — for yourself and for your relationship. If you can’t do that then long term love is maybe not for you.]
2. Take things one at a time.
There will come a time when it would seem like you were the unluckiest persons in the world. You may experience problems of all sorts all at the same time. And it would feel like the whole world is upon your shoulders. When this happens, it is important that you keep your cool and put together a strategy on how you will deal with things.
Keep in mind that these difficulties will not go away all at the same time. But when you start dealing with them one by one, you’ll eventually get to fix them.
- [Abiola says: Yes, we all have qualities we enjoy and dislike in our partners. However, practice radical acceptance for yourself and them. Know that as humans we are works in progress and love them for where they are on the journey.]
3. Never ever give up on each other.
When you said your vows in front all of the people on your wedding day, you also took the oath and made that promise that you will always be there for your spouse. Not for better or for worse but for better AND for worse. It will be more pleasant to get through with anything that comes your way, whether good or bad, if you have each other.
You will have that feeling of security when you know that someone’s got your back. And most importantly, at the end of the day, it will just be the two of you. You will not lose your parents or siblings and even your friends when you get married. But there will never be anyone who will stick with you and stand up for you through anything and everything other than your spouse.
- [Abiola says: If you’re dating someone and they harbor many resentments against other people in their intimate lives – run. Forgiveness is the cornerstone of any loving relationship.]
Find more of my “Love Class: relationship healing advice columns here.
More Passionate Living
- Essence: Female Intimacy Dysfunction! Turned Off
- Rolfing: Is It Just Deep Tissue Massage for Healing?
- Single Mom Advice: Dealing with Dad’s Girlfriend
- It’s None of Your Business If/When I Will Have Kids!