This week on Love School for Nerds, Jay Jackson-Rao of The Nerdpocalypse and Abiola discuss a letter from a woman who is confused as to whether she should stay or move on from a guy who is still in the “building” point in his life. Due to family obligations, the man is financially tied down and limited, while she is not and is considering moving on. Listen in to find out what we have to say about this…

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Dear Jay and Abiola,

I have a serious dilemma. I started dating a guy about a month ago, and things are moving fast. We met originally a few months back, but began talking on a whim when a mutual friend invited us out for drinks. We started dating (and having sex) shortly after. We enjoy each other’s company outside of sex, and he’s a pretty decent guy. He has a stable job, he’s a gentlemen, and he seems genuinely interested in me as a person. We moved quickly into being in a relationship.

Now here’s my dilemma. I’m 27 and he’s 26. I’m a homeowner, and he’s living at home with his mother & siblings. What I like about him is that he was honest about his situation from the beginning.  I’m pretty stable in my career and I know where I’d like to go in the future.

He’s still in “building” mode, trying to get himself together. Recently, there were some financial issues that came up with his mom, and as a result he feels like he’s stuck with the aftermath. My concern is that this is a situation where he has family obligations that would impact a serious relationship. So, now a month in, I’m thinking that this is more complicated than I initially anticipated. I like him a lot, and he says he likes me a lot. But because of his home situation I don’t think he will be able to be in a serious relationship.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking this way?

Please help,

Dazed & Confused but Grown (3 snaps)


Here’s our answer — Listen!

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(Image via Wikimedia Commons.)


Hey! If you’re in need of judgement-free relationship advice, email All letters will be kept anonymous, In addition, all correspondence becomes our property to be addressed publicly, but you can be assured that your issue will be treated with dignity. If you are looking for private advice, the option for that route is coaching.