Breakup Advice: You just got dumped. What do you do when he or she doesn’t want to be with you?
Photo: Ann Davies

Passionista Principle: Sometimes the strongest thing to do is not holding on– but letting go.

Hey Rockstars,

One of the most crushing things is to realize that somebody doesn’t want you in the same way you want them. To break it down to high school terms, “they don’t like you-like you.” Of course this question is easily turned around as, “What Do You Do When She Doesn’t Like You?”

As you know I am The Breakup Whisperer having gone through my own crying on the kitchen floor heartbreaks. My entire debut novel Dare is about recovering from a crazy break up. The relationship advice that today’s guest blogger shares is pretty similar to the love advice I offer in the video below, “How to Heal & Move On After A BreakUp,” and the love post “How To Get Over Him” but these points bear repeating.

Relationships ending are a sad part of life. The most helpful way to think about it is, consider your life as a play or movie. Some characters ride with you from beginning to end and some characters are only in your story for a few scenes or an act. 

Either way, Pink said it best, “So what, you’re still a rock star!” Kiss your wounds. Learn from the breakup experience. Go through the stages and move on. You have new memories to make.

Now what if the heartbreak took place before you even got to relationship status? It happens. Keep reading. These tips on moving on can still help you too. Make a Beach Bucket List and commit yourself to learning to be happy.


Help! What do you do when they don’t want you? by Ann Davies

 He doesn’t want you? YOU?! What the hell is he talking about? 

Unfortunately for him he doesn’t get what a prize you are and he has come to the bizarre conclusion that he has had enough of you. He is moving on and as he so kindly put it “So, should you.” When this terrifying news has struck, you have to somehow get up, collect what is yours and give him what is his. In an ideal world you would make a dignified exit with your head held high and no backwards glance. However, as is often the case, you have not been prepared for this. 
What we are discussing right now is “What do you do when he doesn’t want you” and not “How do you react when he tells you he doesn’t want you.” Initial reactions are null and void and your chance to go crazy if that is what you feel compelled to do. Seriously, this man was supposed to be your baby daddy. 
Remember, when he used to rub your tummy and talk about how he couldn’t wait to meet junior? And, what about when you were going to take that amazing job offer in another city but he convinced you not to after scaring you with stories of long-distance things not working? Cry, scream, beg, and react after all you are human.

Forced to be alone you find yourself at the “what do you do when he doesn’t want you” stage.

Stage One. Talk:  

Speak to your mum, sister anyone who will listen! As we are all aware, acceptance is the first step, usually this is associated with grieving or coming to terms with addictions and issues. Losing hold of a relationship holds similar emotions. As soon as you are able to process that it is over the quicker you will be able to start moving forward. So, talk it out, go through it all and retrace your steps of what went wrong. Once this has been exhausted you will reach one of two conclusions.

  1. I couldn’t have done any more. You tried your best and worked hard at the relationship. But, he doesn’t want you. So, why do you want him? The answer to this is: You do not want him. These results are clear, why on earth would you want someone who can not appreciate your best efforts? Time to start moving forward…
  2. I messed up. You were too jealous, over-bearing, you cheated, made little effort. There are many ways to taint a relationship and you may have contributed towards its demise. However, you remain strong in feeling that you were still wanting him, so why doesn’t he want you? At this point, make a note of what went wrong, why it happened and what you could do in the future. Powered with the knowledge of what