It’s an annoying question but sometimes it deserves an answer…

Hey Rockstars,

Here on The Passionista Playbook we preach that the single life is the good life. In fact, we insist that spending time alone is essential for your personal development.  Being single is not a disease to be cured but we all need love in our lives at some point. Good love is healthy, it feels awesome and it’s our birthright!

If  you’ve finished rocking your Goddess Year and you’re back in the dating pool, your relationship skills may be a little rusty. A common letter that I get from my lovely viewers and readers is, “how do I know if he or she likes me?” This is quite a different question from another common email, “Why Don’t Women or Men Like Me?” You can see that answer here.

Abiola's Signature

Does this person like me or not?!

Books and films have tackled the subject – and goodness knows rock & roll songs too, but are there really any tell-tale signs that he’s just not into you? Maybe he’s busy with work or just not ready to pursue a relationship or even dating, but do the reasons even matter? Guys rarely become more proactive down the road so no matter what the reasons, there are some signs to look for when wondering whether to keep trying for a connection.

He Doesn’t Really Like You If… You Make All the Moves

If you’re constantly reaching out via email, text or arranging to be where you’ll run into him take a look at how he’s reciprocating, if at all. Even if he’s polite enough to respond, does he ever contact you first? Does he ever make the effort to ask you out or show you he’s thinking about you?

Yes, having a crush feels good but it can paint a rosy hue around an affection that’s simply not reciprocated. Plus studies have shown that relationship patterns are pretty much established within the first two months; are you happy with where things are at?

He Doesn’t Really Like You If… He Lies or Evades

If he lies or evades you for seemingly no reason then that’s something to look at. Yes, having separate interests are good but if he’s telling you he’s tired and staying in, then posting images of himself at a raging party that same night? Not good. Whether intentionally hurtful or not, he does not value your feelings and you deserve better. Save your pride and move on.

He Doesn’t Like You If… Push Me/Pull You

If he’s super affectionate one day and then acts like he barely knows you the next then there’s something weird there. He may be playing some kind of game or simply using you. It could be a simple fact that he enjoys crooking his finger to see you come running, or he has no real clue what he wants. Again, the reasons don’t really matter, it’s just not healthy.

Also, keep an eye out for the whole scenario of only wanting you when others do, or only when you pull back and live your own life. No one likes to lose but that doesn’t mean he really cares about you, either.

He Doesn’t Like You If… Late Night Booty Calls Only

Does he only call or text after the bars have all closed? If so there’s a good chance that he wouldn’t have if he had found someone else to hook up with. Yes this sounds negative but seriously, if he can’t be bothered to ever get in touch in the light of day let that be a warning bell unless you’re both on the same page.

If it’s simply a friends with benefits arrangement and your heart isn’t being hurt then that’s a completely different thing. But if you really like him and want some kind of relationship of substance these 3am only phone calls don’t hint at success for such a thing.

Here’s the Deal…

Of course no two people or relationships are alike; he could be incredibly introverted but still a prize. But it’s a good idea to try and take an objective look at the situation because effort (or lack thereof) should speak volumes.

If you’re a decent person you deserve to be treated at least as well as you treat others – why should it be any different with romance? So if he’s negligent, apathetic, or never even letting you all get started then consider calling it a day so that you can free yourself up to the good possibilities awaiting you.


Thanks for the great post Emily! Written by Emily Rankin. Em’s note: “Heartbroken and ready to hit the road? Make sure you’re insured with car insurance.”

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