Hello there everyone, it’s Tinzley the single mom advice maven…

Hey Rockstars,

Hope you have all been doing just lovely!

The questions:

Okay so your child has graduated from high school and is now ready for college or so they think? Are you afraid your child will fail or know someone who is? Is this because you feel ashamed or bad because your child has reached an age where it’s time to make college decisions and well; you’re just not prepared?

Each and everyday we strive to be the best mom we can, we’ve raised our child single handed and many times the funds just may not be there to do everything your child wants right that very moment.

This can mean much sacrifice, doubling the effort and many anxious nights — and can cause much grief and sadness if everything fails apart.

“You Fear Your Child Will Fail Because of You!”

As single parents, many who may not have been able to set aside a college fund for your child’s future hold this fear deep down inside. We think our child will get with the wrong crowd and go down the wrong path if they are unable to easily get into a college to keep them occupied and to get them prepared for a future career. We hear the comments our child makes about how this friend or that friend is in a certain school and their parents gave them a lump sum of money to live on for a while and also brought them a car to get a round in.

We can sense our child’s sadness and disappointment that we’re not able to do those things for them so freely and many times we can see signs of our child’s behavior changing right before our eyes.

This can make one feel pretty bad and feel like your child may not be heading down a positive path out of pure boredom and frustration. This post is to give you the insight you need to move forward and to assure your child that no matter what, you’ll do all you can to help them succeed and while you may not be able to buy them a car yet, you will provide them with all the tools they need along the way. This includes lots of love and financial support.

  • Make sure you stay in clear communication with your child as they approach independence. This means letting them know that there are other options when they may be faced with adversity that leads them to believe all hope is gone in their pursuit of a college/ career. Assure them that together you’ll figure out how they can win in this situation.
  • Don’t criticize your child’s decisions in life — just let them find their way. I know we all want our child to land in this four year college with just the right major that will have your child destined for success. But if this does not happen, allow your child to really search for that thing they really want to do and as long as their heading down a positive path to do it, then let them. When we try to re-live our dreams through our children, this can cause un-needed pressure and your child may grow distant out of fear of disappointing you. It’s okay to offer guidance but I don’t suggest forcing the issue.
  • Provide them with the finances they need along the way; especially if they aren’t working just yet and still trying to see what they really plan to do. The last thing a child needs is to be way in another city with no funds to do things and get around where needed, or if in the same city but no longer living with you.
  • Advise your child they can live with you as long as they need to get themselves together; just as long as they are doing things productive and clearly working on their future. I know kids will be kids, but partying all night and doing nothing towards their future is nothing you should be funding. Especially if they have reached adult age and are still living under your roof. (Just an fyi for those parents who may be experiencing this very thing.) But it is okay to help your child out financially as they take on independence.
  • Don’t be so hard on yourself. You’ve raised your child this far and you’ve done the best you could with what you had to work with and for that, you should be proud. While it may be tough to deal with not being able to find a quick fix this time, it’s not the end of the world and together you and your young adult child can make it work.
  • Research other ways to get your child funded for college or what ever they want to do. This can be done by going online and doing a key word search on “Money for college ” or Scholarships/ Grants.com!

What ever your story may be the last thing you need or want as a single mom is to spend your life blaming yourself for why things may not have gone a certain way in your child’s future. I’m sure your child will still love you and will totally understand.

Your child has an obligation to pursue a positive future as well and bad decisions may cost them that which has nothing to do with you and every thing to do with the choices they made. Remember even through adversity, there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Thanks for stopping by and have an awesome day.

Love,

Tinzley

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