Do you know the weekly national urban newspaper Rolling Out Urbanstyle? It comes out on Thursday or Friday depending on where in the country you live. Here’s this week’s column:

Greetings Gorgeous Ones,

This week was a delicious scandal. I interviewed bestselling writer Mary B. Morrison and we laughed our Jimmy Choos off, discussing women, self-love, gratification and our bodies.

This theme followed me last night into a fabulous sidewalk café. A woman approached the table asking if she could speak with me. Most fans just wave but something in her manner concerned me so to the annoyance of my date I said yes. What can I say? He should have stepped up his conversation game. I was bored and glad for the distraction. Jessica sat down. She was 24, beautiful and hated her body. She said that men didn’t like her because she was fat. She needed advice.

We see 4,000 ads a day telling us what’s wrong with us and how to fix it. Hip Hop for Health’s Shades of Beauty has wonderful seminars about our body image issues. Everyone’s on a diet but Americans are fatter than ever because the issue is mental. Recently I screamed “Hey Skinny!” at my girlfriend Tina. She was in tears. I didn’t know that Tina had always been teased for being too slim in a family that prized bootyliciousness. You can shout “Hey Skinny” at me any day. Similarly, Tina called me “thick thighs.” My thighs are my point of dreadful fixation but to her this was a compliment.

Last season at the premiere of BET J’s Best Shorts my image came up on the screen and I looked beyond zaftig. Another friend said, you’ve lost so much weight since then. That was yesterday, I explained. The camera and unflattering gold dresses add poundage but she believed the image of me on the screen instead of me right beside her.

The magical pill is radical self-acceptance, Jessica. Men aren’t turned off by your fat. They’re turned off by your insecurity and desperation. They’re thinking; if you don’t like you then why should I?

If you must lose weight, start with one bite less at each meal and dance for an hour every morning. Dress for your body type and love yourself. Bravissima, bella. Now pass the dark chocolate!



Abiola Abrams is a BET personality, author, filmmaker and motivator. Email your questions from Abiola’s interactive site or You can buy her debut novel Dare in any bookstore and watch The Planet Abiola Show on