Do you know the weekly national urban newspaper Rolling Out Urbanstyle? It comes out on Thursday or Friday depending on where in the country you live. Here’s this week’s column:

Dear Abiola,

I know I’m not your demographic but I’m interested in a lady who like myself is a performer in her 50s. I invited her to my show. She attended, then invited me to a dance that night but I had to work. We made plans for another show. It rained ‘cats and dogs’ but I still went. She left a message stating that the weather was too bad. We agreed to attend an event at the library. Due to a misprint we missed each other. She was leaving town for 3 weeks so I asked her to call me upon her return. It’s been 4 weeks and nothing. Is she interested? And if so how do I continue pursuing her?

Baffled J

Dear Baffled J,

Relax. Women are goddesses and we deserve to be pursed. The fine art of courtship is unfortunately lost on my generation. In my parents’ country Guyana and many African countries, courtship is a dance that isn’t final until you’re married. We have a party called Que Qe where the man is continually rejected until he proves the strength of his desire and dedication.

However, you’re in your 50s so I assume you’ve given it your best efforts. Please give it one more try. She did show up to the library event and your show. Do something big! Maybe you’ll laugh about this one day BUT if she stands you up again take the hint. I had the dubious distinction of helping my friend K. get rid of a guy she wasn’t feeling. He kept calling. Finally I answered her phone, pretended to be her assistant, and told him that her real friends now had a private number.

Guys in your 20s and 30s take note: Baffled realizes how to pursue a woman. He’s a true man willing to take risks. Whether it works out with this woman or not he will eventually find a partner worthy of his gentlemanly ways. A king needs a queen that respects him as well.

I interviewed Ashanti this morning and she refused to discuss her personal business with me. There’s something sweet about some ways that may seem old fashioned. Keep up the good fight, King Baffled!



Abiola Abrams is a BET personality, author, filmmaker and motivator. Email your questions from or You can buy her debut novel Dare in any bookstore and watch The Planet Abiola Show on