Sexual addiction provides a scientific explanation for urges, behaviors, or thoughts that appear extreme in frequency or feel out of one’s control.

This phenomenon has been described by many different terms: hypersexuality, erotomania, nymphomania, satyriasis, Don Juanism, Don Juanitaism, and, most recently, addiction, compulsive behavior, and paraphilia-related disorders. 

This is often associated with addictive or obsessive personalities, escapism, psychological disorders, low self-esteem, self-destructive behavior, lowered inhibitions and behavioral conditioning. -via Wikipedia


[dropcap]H[/dropcap]ello Beauties!

I have been receiving all of your heartfelt emails seeking advice via my Essence column. I appreciate you and assistance is forthcoming – I promise! If you need one-one-one coaching, please get in touch so that I can work with you personally. Find info about the frequently asked questions that I get regarding life and relationship coaching here.

self esteem coach advice


The topic of intimacy addiction seems to be in the air. I received an advice question from a beautiful legal eagle based in Chi Town who is struggling with compulsive behaviors in this area. Then, a similar situation came up on “The Bill Cunningham Show” where I am a resident love and life coach.

Family members were battling it out about who is sleeping with who. Watch the “Promiscuous Cheaters & Lie Detector Tests” advice video below and then after the jump find the advice column question, 12 step advice from a support group and then a link to my advice at Essence.

Whatever self sabotaging behavior you’re carrying out, you are never alone. There is help. You can learn to change your life today.

Most addictions and compulsions are about trying to numb or avoid feeling our most painful feelings.

Let’s jump in…

Love Coach Abiola

Check out this recent talk show episode:


[dropcap]D[/dropcap]ear Abiola,

What are you lying to yourself about?Today I had another pregnancy scare. The problem is, if I were, I wouldn’t know who the father is. I am not one of those “Who’s the Daddy” women on Maury. I am a 39-year-old lawyer with no children. I’ve been told that I’m nice to look at. I resemble a petite Tyra with short Halle hair.

I used to brush off my extensive intimate experiences as booty calls, one-night stands, friends with benefits and hooking up. I felt empowered. Then my behavior started affecting my life. 

I’ve had numerous abortions. I have had STDs; thankfully nothing permanent. I’ve slept with co-workers. My marriage and a prior engagement failed because I cheated.

Sexual Addiction - Admitting it is the first step!My friends joke that I should write a book about my crazy experiences, but at this point, I’m just sick and tired of feeling like a joke. I need it two or three times a day at a minimum. Toys and adult movies aren’t cutting it anymore. I crave it all the time and can’t resist anybody, male or female, who hits on me. Even the men I meet online are surprised at how far I’ll go.

Most of the time I hate this. Sometimes I try to embrace it. I usually just feel like a junkie afterwards. I’m lonely and confused.

Help me, please!


Miss Promiscuous

Click here for my non-judgmental advice to this beautiful addict who is crying out for help.

The 12 Steps of SAA:

Addiction Cycle! Let's Talk About It (VIDEO)

(If you’re ready to get help, find a group here. The steps from the Addicts Anonymous website are below.)

  1. WE (of SAA) admitted we were powerless over addictive behavior – that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
  7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.
  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other addicts and to practice these principles in our lives.

More Passionate Living!